Mother's Day After Miscarriage

Mother's day is a beautiful celebration of love. It is a joyous, thankful occasion, a day to be grateful and happy and count your blessings.

But it isn't always so easy.

I am a mother. You will never meet my babies...even I didn't get that privilege. You can't see them, you can't hold them and cuddle with them and talk about how beautiful they are. But for moments in time, I carried them inside me. My heart beat for them. They were, and always will be, a part of me.

For such a short time, I was able to make plans with my husband and pray for my child and celebrate the life to come. And then my baby was gone. And then it happened all over again.

I knew miscarriage was a thing that happened. I knew the statistics, the chances, I did my research. But, naively, I didn't expect it to happen to me. I certainly didn't expect it to happen twice. I didn't expect to be a mother without a child to hold.

But life does not care about expectations, so here I am. I am a mother to two angels, two babies too beautiful for earth. I will not spend my first Mother's Day as a parent with my children. I will instead spend it grieving the loss of the babies I will never meet here on earth. Two babies who I carried for too brief a time and will miss for an eternity.

I am not alone.
There are millions like me, who will smile in public and wish others a happy day this Mother's Day. Who will put on a brave face because pregnancy loss isn't something people want to talk about. Who will spend a day celebrating outwardly and grieving inwardly and wishing fiercely that their child could be in their arms....so many, too many, faces of loss.

I am a mother.
Remember me today, too.